Comments from a Caretaker

A few months ago I had the chance to see just how far my words were reaching.  A perfect stranger, Cameron, sent me a message asking me to read his wife's story.  He was willing to share his personal story with me and give some important insight from the often overlooked caretakers.  Cancer does not just affect the patient.  It is a family ordeal.  This wonderful husband helped his wife through the battle of her life and more than 7 years later they are sharing their story.  Please read his words and forward his story on to anyone who may benefit from it.

Below are Cameron's exact words:

Focus on the Positive When Dealing with Cancer

Most people have experienced a day that will forever be in their memories. My wife and I will never forget November 21, 2005. This was the day that my wife was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma. As for me, this was the day that I began the task of caring for a cancer patient. Before that, our lives had never been better. We had just celebrated the birth of our daughter Lily a few months earlier, and we were looking forward to the holidays, excitedly planning for our daughter’s first Christmas.  However, the cancer diagnosis quickly changed our plans.

Once the doctor began to explain mesothelioma to us, I understood the challenges that would come with being my wife’s caregiver. Mesothelioma is an extremely deadly disease, and most people diagnosed do not survive past a year.  After the doctor told us the treatment options that we could pursue, my wife was still shocked and speechless.  We had three options:  a local university hospital, an excellent regional hospital that unfortunately lacked a mesothelioma program, or a specialist in Boston by the name of David Sugarbaker.  We waited silently for Heather to show some sort of interest in one of the options, but she was shocked and utterly terrified.  I knew she needed help, so I made the decision for us to travel to Boston for treatment with the mesothelioma specialist.

Over the next two months, our lives consisted of complete chaos. Since I had to take care of Heather, I could only work part-time. As for Heather, she could no longer work after she was diagnosed with cancer. Because I was taking care of my wife, making travel arrangements to Boston, and taking care of Lily, I became overwhelmed with these responsibilities. I was afraid of losing Heather, and as much as I tried to stay positive I often found myself picture the worst case scenario – Heather passing away, and me being left to raise Lily alone. More than once, I found myself breaking down in tears on the kitchen floor under the pressure and fear.  However, I never let Heather see me in these weak moments.  I always did my best to remain strong and positive for her.

Thankfully, we had friends to give us help: everything from words of encouragement to desperately needed financial assistance. Words cannot express how grateful we are to them. My strongest advice to anyone going through a situation like this is to accept help every time it’s offered.  There is no room for pride when a loved one’s life is on the line.  Even the smallest offer of help can be a weight off your shoulders, and will remind you that you’re not in this fight alone.  

There are not many things in life that are more difficult than caring for a cancer patient. With all the emotions and pressures that a caregiver may experience, it is important to never give up hope.  Bad days are inevitable, but even in those moments of weakness you can never give up hope that you will come through this okay.

After undergoing surgery in Boston and months of treatments, Heather beat mesothelioma, a feat accomplished by far too few people. Seven years after her diagnosis, she is healthy and cancer-free. This experience taught me so much about what people are capable of when they simply never give up hope and always believe in themselves.

I took those lessons to heart, and went back to school two years after Heather’s diagnosis.  When I graduated, I was at the top of my class and was given the honor of speaking at graduation. I told my class that just a few years earlier, I never could have imagined being on that stage, but as long as we never give up hope, anything is possible.  Lily and her mother were in the audience to cheer me on, and that was the greatest reward of all. 

His video link:  http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/#.UgKn1NKG2So 

Please share your caregiver stories and tips with me and all my fellow readers.  I would love to hear from you.  Thanks for reading!