At this point I have mentioned several times how much I DISLIKE the side effects of the steroids I have to take to supress the side effects of the chemo. It seems silly that I take a TON of drugs to get rid of problems just to deal with a whole bunch of other problems. I had a productive conversation with my doctor today and we agreed, after I shared my daily steroid play-by-play with her, that I could cut back on the amount I am taking. Here is how my weeks have been unfolding...
Sunday - Full of unharnessable energy. At 730 am I take my first 8mg of steroids. By 8am I am full of energy and pacing around the house. I am unable to harness any amount of energy to actually accomplish anything. I compare myself to a student who has ADHD. I imagine if they could find a way to explain how it feels to be inside their brain it would be how I feel after the first dose of steroids. I have 20 different ideas I would like to complete but my brain is completely unable to focus on any one of them for more than a few seconds. Therefore, I am never able to finish anything. Sometimes I start to staighten up and within a minute I am walking away thinking of something compeltely different. ANNOYING. Just around the time it begins to calm down I have to take 8mg more at 730pm. Once again the pacing begins and I scroll aimlessly through Facebook, Pinterest etc or flip through the TV because nothing keeps my attention. By 1030pm I take an Ambien so that I can hopefully be tired enough to sleep by 1130pm. I have to time everything correctly so that I am not wide awake at 4am. This is my summer vacation. I should at least sleep later than my alarm for work!
Monday - Chemo day/I-might-lose-it-on-you-at-any-time-day. When the steroids are given through the IV they do not bother me as much. Well, it is either that or because they also give me 50 mg of Benadryl and are pumping me full of toxic metal. One or the other. I always fall asleep during the last hour of my infusion and then kind of sit in the car like a zombie the entire ride home. Once I am home I am awake, but again not able to focus. I have to take an Ambien to sleep again. Ask the baby gate how it feels to get the brunt of my wrath! After my first week of these new drugs I had a MAJOR meltdown. I was trying to put the gate at the top of the steps so Huddy would not fall down them. Well, instead I shut the gate on my thumb and a whole lot of F*CK this and F*CK that came flying out my mouth. Then I stormed upstairs and threw myself on the bed and SOBBED for a good ten minutes. The whole time just yelling and wondering how 5 adults (my mom, dad, stepmom, husband and brother) could not put up the gate for me or keep an eye on Hud. It was not my best moment! After my cry, I came down, apologized and it was over. But yikes! I never know when a roid rage will get the best of me.
Tuesday - I become a genius! - All those ideas I could not focus on become ALL I can focus on. I come up with ideas for work, the house, random projects that really do not need to be done and they all come flying out of my mouth a milllion miles a minute. I sound like someone who drank 4 cups on coffee before even getting to work. I write them all down so that I do not forget them. I thought of some great ideas for our ESL orientation next September as well as ideas to utilize our technology teacher, ha. I also wrote down every project I hope to get down this summer around the house. Hopefully I can harness my energy long enough to actually do them.
Wednesday - Do not bother looking at or talking to me! - My husband and mother have been forewarned that if they would like to keep their sanity, they should probably avoid me at all costs. EVERYTHING pisses me off. Especially answering questions. It doesn't matter if they are asking me if I would like a drink or where something is. They all piss me off. I will not answer them. It is better for everyone if they figure things out for themselves on Wednesdays, haha.
Thursday - The grand exit of the steroids. I believe I live through an exorcism on Thursday nights. I sweat, cry, flop around in bed and have terribly realistic nightmares. I wake up at least once an hour. I change my pajamas multiple times because I am soaked from sweating. I pee at least 15 times. It is a terrible night. No amount of Ambien is going to help me sleep through it either. It SUCKS! But, by the morning the steroids are out of my system. I just need to change my sheets and take a 30 minute shower to feel clean again.
(Tuesday through Thursday also comes with my LEAST favorite side effect...ACID REFLUX! It is bad. I take 75mg of Zantac each morning and each night and suck down as much Gaviscon as I am allowed and still everything burns my throat. I am talking saltine crackers, bananas...everything! I can sometimes stomach a Special K protein shake without a lot of kickback but I do not eat much on those days. Cutting down to half the amount of steroids will hopefully cut down to half the amount of acid. Fingers crossed.)
Friday & Saturday - Pretty much back to normal - It seems I get 2 good days out of the week before having to start the routine all over again. Thank God this is not a forever thing. It is only for about 10 more weeks.
I forgot to mention about the hunger. I eat like a beast on Sunday and Monday. I am the most hungry then. I have gained a total of 10 pounds in the past 3 months. I am not thrilled about it by any means, but my doctor is glad I am not losing. Plus she told me I was just far too skinnny to begin with. I tend to disagree but once I am done the medicine I can get back into shape.
Good news is - NO STEROIDS next week. I have to take a week off of the Taxotere for a few reasons. I already have a little bit of nerve damage to the very tips of my fingers. If I do not take a break from the meds, the damage could become permanent. I do not want that. Also, my fingernails are more likely to FALL OFF without taking a break. That is just GROSS. I will gladly take a week off to save those babies. I will most likely still have lines that show up in the nail beds and look like fungus, also gross, but that will eventually grow out a few months after finishing the meds.
So, the point of this entry...steroids suck, but not as much as cancer. All the things I am doing are to kill those little asshole cells so that I can move on with my life. As much as it sucks now, it makes for a funny blog entry. Hope you had a few laughs from this one. I sure did. I choose to laugh. It is more fun than crying!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
Talk About a Stressful Day...
Poor Hudson had a little sore under his left armpit over the weekend and when I checked it this morning it had tripled in size, was raw and peeling and he cried if I touched it! I knew he had to get to the doctor, but.....I had chemo. So, the phone calls to grandparents commenced. We were able to get Frank's parents and my mom to help watch him and get him to the doctor. THANK GOD!
But, that meant we left a few minutes later than necessary to get to the doctor. No biggie, right? WRONG. We drove more than 15 minutes away with the car seat in the back of our car! So, we turned around and called the doctor to left them know we would be a little late. Somehow we were only 16 minutes late, impressive seeing as rain usually means all people forget how to drive. When we pulled into the parking lot, I opened the door to grab my wallet and of course my entire laptop bag landed directly onto the end of my second toe. Damn that hurt. It still hurts, actually!
While I was at my appointment, everything went smoothly. All drugs were the correct dosage so there was no extra waiting. Instead of leaving at 5 we were home by 4 this time. All positive things!
The worst part of the day was waiting for my mom to call us and let us know what was wrong with Hudson. I cried on the drive to the doctor because I could not be with him at his appointment. All the moms out there know how much you want to comfort your sick babies. He has a form of cellulitis. The doctor swabbed it to identify the actual bacteria, but until then he is on an oral and cream antibiotic for the next week. He cried in the tub when the water ran down his arm, poor thing. I gave him Motrin to help take the pain away for him.
When we got home it was spitting outside a little but we took Huddy out to walk around the driveway anyway. He had a long day, but loves his time outside. I went out without a hat and let the rain bounce off my almost bald head. A while later we were sitting on the porch and my mom came over to me with a strange look on her face. "What's on your head?" she asked. I had no clue. After closer examination, she realized it was bird poop. Apparently the rain drops I felt under the tree were actually bird shit! It was a three baby wipe cleanup! I know the belief is it's good luck when a bird poops on your head and I certainly could use any amount of luck. But, to whoever spreads the luck out there, do you think next time it could be a little less messy? Perhaps a four leaf clover or a cute little ladybug landing on my hand. Thanks!
But, that meant we left a few minutes later than necessary to get to the doctor. No biggie, right? WRONG. We drove more than 15 minutes away with the car seat in the back of our car! So, we turned around and called the doctor to left them know we would be a little late. Somehow we were only 16 minutes late, impressive seeing as rain usually means all people forget how to drive. When we pulled into the parking lot, I opened the door to grab my wallet and of course my entire laptop bag landed directly onto the end of my second toe. Damn that hurt. It still hurts, actually!
While I was at my appointment, everything went smoothly. All drugs were the correct dosage so there was no extra waiting. Instead of leaving at 5 we were home by 4 this time. All positive things!
The worst part of the day was waiting for my mom to call us and let us know what was wrong with Hudson. I cried on the drive to the doctor because I could not be with him at his appointment. All the moms out there know how much you want to comfort your sick babies. He has a form of cellulitis. The doctor swabbed it to identify the actual bacteria, but until then he is on an oral and cream antibiotic for the next week. He cried in the tub when the water ran down his arm, poor thing. I gave him Motrin to help take the pain away for him.
When we got home it was spitting outside a little but we took Huddy out to walk around the driveway anyway. He had a long day, but loves his time outside. I went out without a hat and let the rain bounce off my almost bald head. A while later we were sitting on the porch and my mom came over to me with a strange look on her face. "What's on your head?" she asked. I had no clue. After closer examination, she realized it was bird poop. Apparently the rain drops I felt under the tree were actually bird shit! It was a three baby wipe cleanup! I know the belief is it's good luck when a bird poops on your head and I certainly could use any amount of luck. But, to whoever spreads the luck out there, do you think next time it could be a little less messy? Perhaps a four leaf clover or a cute little ladybug landing on my hand. Thanks!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
New Round of Treatments
Well, it is noon (on Monday, June 3rd) and I have yet to begin my infusion. My appointment with my doctor was scheduled for 10am but I did not see her until around 11am! We did not get across the hall to infusion until 1130 and I am still sitting here waiting for my medicines. Today is going to be an extra long day.
Finally, got started at 12:30pm! The round of drugs starts with 50mg of Benadryl! I will be sleeping in no time. Although the steroids might wake me right back up.
**It is now 6:07am on Tuesday morning and I am wide awake thanks to those pesky steroids. I have to take a dose at 8am and another at 8pm so I am hoping to get a lot of stuff done around the house with the crazy energy they give me.
Anyway, let me get back to sharing about yesterday's treatment. So, I was very tired after the Benadryl but unable to sleep. I was out of it though. I was talking slow and my eyes were heavy. During that time I had to wait for almost an hour for the pharmacy to remake a new dose of the steroids since they made far too much to begin with. That held everything up since nothing else could be administered until after I got them.
During this time of waiting, I thought it would be a great time to send an email to my co-worker asking her to pay for my coffee order since I was going to miss the deadline. Side note: I teach English as a Second Language and my co-worker is bilingual in English and Spanish. I however, studied French for seven years (know hardly any anymore) and only took one semester of Spanish. Before I went to hit send I tried to proofread my email through the blurry Benadryl eyes and much to my surprise, the email was in SPANISH! Not sure how accurate, but from what I do know, I am sure I asked her..."Would you pay...coffee with milk? Haha! Apparently a different part of my brain was triggered when that IV began to drip Benadryl.
**It is now after 9pm on Wednesday night and I am just getting around to finishing up this entry. I had a very good day yesterday. The steroids kept me going until about 2pm. From 11am until 2pm my mom and I went to Chipotle for lunch, AC Moore for craft supplies and Carter's to find a new hat for Huddy's big head (no luck there). We got home and I crashed. I was out for over an hour but other than fatigue, I felt great. It was not comparable to the last treatments at all. No body aches, no nausea, no dizziness, just a little tingly in the heals of my feet for a few seconds twice (that can become more of a problem as the medicine begins to build up in my system though.)
Today I went to work until 2pm (or as I like to call it, nap time). That is when I hit the wall of exhaustion again. But other than that, again I felt great. I was able to enjoy our morning picnic with our ESL students and had a chance to begin cleaning up my classroom. I came home, took my nap, had dinner with my in-laws and then came up to bed to finish Hudson's photo book. The 50% off sale ended tonight, so I had to get it done!
Now I am trying to calm down so I can get a decent night's sleep tonight. If all my treatments are like this, my summer will be pretty enjoyable!
Finally, got started at 12:30pm! The round of drugs starts with 50mg of Benadryl! I will be sleeping in no time. Although the steroids might wake me right back up.
**It is now 6:07am on Tuesday morning and I am wide awake thanks to those pesky steroids. I have to take a dose at 8am and another at 8pm so I am hoping to get a lot of stuff done around the house with the crazy energy they give me.
Anyway, let me get back to sharing about yesterday's treatment. So, I was very tired after the Benadryl but unable to sleep. I was out of it though. I was talking slow and my eyes were heavy. During that time I had to wait for almost an hour for the pharmacy to remake a new dose of the steroids since they made far too much to begin with. That held everything up since nothing else could be administered until after I got them.
During this time of waiting, I thought it would be a great time to send an email to my co-worker asking her to pay for my coffee order since I was going to miss the deadline. Side note: I teach English as a Second Language and my co-worker is bilingual in English and Spanish. I however, studied French for seven years (know hardly any anymore) and only took one semester of Spanish. Before I went to hit send I tried to proofread my email through the blurry Benadryl eyes and much to my surprise, the email was in SPANISH! Not sure how accurate, but from what I do know, I am sure I asked her..."Would you pay...coffee with milk? Haha! Apparently a different part of my brain was triggered when that IV began to drip Benadryl.
**It is now after 9pm on Wednesday night and I am just getting around to finishing up this entry. I had a very good day yesterday. The steroids kept me going until about 2pm. From 11am until 2pm my mom and I went to Chipotle for lunch, AC Moore for craft supplies and Carter's to find a new hat for Huddy's big head (no luck there). We got home and I crashed. I was out for over an hour but other than fatigue, I felt great. It was not comparable to the last treatments at all. No body aches, no nausea, no dizziness, just a little tingly in the heals of my feet for a few seconds twice (that can become more of a problem as the medicine begins to build up in my system though.)
Today I went to work until 2pm (or as I like to call it, nap time). That is when I hit the wall of exhaustion again. But other than that, again I felt great. I was able to enjoy our morning picnic with our ESL students and had a chance to begin cleaning up my classroom. I came home, took my nap, had dinner with my in-laws and then came up to bed to finish Hudson's photo book. The 50% off sale ended tonight, so I had to get it done!
Now I am trying to calm down so I can get a decent night's sleep tonight. If all my treatments are like this, my summer will be pretty enjoyable!
Q & A
Hello fellow readers!
It has come to my attention as I run into people around town or at work, that people have lots of questions for me. I am an open book. I started this blog to educate people about my experience and the more I can help others, the better.
So...you got questions...I got answers. I am in no way claiming to be an expert, but I will speak from my personal experiences to help inform.
Feel free to post questions on here in the comments section or message me on Facebook. You can even post the question right on the Event, Wear Pink March 7, 2013. I will read through every question and write a big question and answer entry.
Thanks for reading!
PS - Stay tuned for some entries from the husbands of fellow cancer survivors. I think it is important for them to share their point of view as well.
It has come to my attention as I run into people around town or at work, that people have lots of questions for me. I am an open book. I started this blog to educate people about my experience and the more I can help others, the better.
So...you got questions...I got answers. I am in no way claiming to be an expert, but I will speak from my personal experiences to help inform.
Feel free to post questions on here in the comments section or message me on Facebook. You can even post the question right on the Event, Wear Pink March 7, 2013. I will read through every question and write a big question and answer entry.
Thanks for reading!
PS - Stay tuned for some entries from the husbands of fellow cancer survivors. I think it is important for them to share their point of view as well.
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