Steroids...UGH!

At this point I have mentioned several times how much I DISLIKE the side effects of the steroids I have to take to supress the side effects of the chemo.  It seems silly that I take a TON of drugs to get rid of problems just to deal with a whole bunch of other problems.  I had a productive conversation with my doctor today and we agreed, after I shared my daily steroid play-by-play with her, that I could cut back on the amount I am taking.  Here is how my weeks have been unfolding...

Sunday - Full of unharnessable energy.  At 730 am I take my first 8mg of steroids.  By 8am I am full of energy and pacing around the house.  I am unable to harness any amount of energy to actually accomplish anything.  I compare myself to a student who has ADHD.  I imagine if they could find a way to explain how it feels to be inside their brain it would be how I feel after the first dose of steroids.  I have 20 different ideas I would like to complete but my brain is completely unable to focus on any one of them for more than a few seconds.  Therefore, I am never able to finish anything.  Sometimes I start to staighten up and within a minute I am walking away thinking of something compeltely different.  ANNOYING.  Just around the time it begins to calm down I have to take 8mg more at 730pm.  Once again the pacing begins and I scroll aimlessly through Facebook, Pinterest etc or flip through the TV because nothing keeps my attention.  By 1030pm I take an Ambien so that I can hopefully be tired enough to sleep by 1130pm.  I have to time everything correctly so that I am not wide awake at 4am.  This is my summer vacation.  I should at least sleep later than my alarm for work!

Monday - Chemo day/I-might-lose-it-on-you-at-any-time-day. When the steroids are given through the IV they do not bother me as much.  Well, it is either that or because they also give me 50 mg of Benadryl and are pumping me full of toxic metal.  One or the other.  I always fall asleep during the last hour of my infusion and then kind of sit in the car like a zombie the entire ride home.  Once I am home I am awake, but again not able to focus.  I have to take an Ambien to sleep again.  Ask the baby gate how it feels to get the brunt of my wrath!  After my first week of these new drugs I had a MAJOR meltdown.  I was trying to put the gate at the top of the steps so Huddy would not fall down them.  Well, instead I shut the gate on my thumb and a whole lot of F*CK this and F*CK that came flying out my mouth.  Then I stormed upstairs and threw myself on the bed and SOBBED for a good ten minutes.  The whole time just yelling and wondering how 5 adults (my mom, dad, stepmom, husband and brother) could not put up the gate for me or keep an eye on Hud.  It was not my best moment!  After my cry, I came down, apologized and it was over.  But yikes!  I never know when a roid rage will get the best of me.

Tuesday - I become a genius! - All those ideas I could not focus on become ALL I can focus on.  I come up with ideas for work, the house, random projects that really do not need to be done and they all come flying out of my mouth a milllion miles a minute.  I sound like someone who drank 4 cups on coffee before even getting to work.  I write them all down so that I do not forget them.  I thought of some great ideas for our ESL orientation next September as well as ideas to utilize our technology teacher, ha.  I also wrote down every project I hope to get down this summer around the house.  Hopefully I can harness my energy long enough to actually do them.

Wednesday - Do not bother looking at or talking to me! - My husband and mother have been forewarned that if they would like to keep their sanity, they should probably avoid me at all costs.  EVERYTHING pisses me off.  Especially answering questions.  It doesn't matter if they are asking me if I would like a drink or where something is.  They all piss me off.  I will not answer them.  It is better for everyone if they figure things out for themselves on Wednesdays, haha. 

Thursday - The grand exit of the steroids.  I believe I live through an exorcism on Thursday nights.  I sweat, cry, flop around in bed and have terribly realistic nightmares.  I wake up at least once an hour.  I change my pajamas multiple times because I am soaked from sweating.  I pee at least 15 times.  It is a terrible night.  No amount of Ambien is going to help me sleep through it either.  It SUCKS!  But, by the morning the steroids are out of my system.  I just need to change my sheets and take a 30 minute shower to feel clean again. 

(Tuesday through Thursday also comes with my LEAST favorite side effect...ACID REFLUX!  It is bad.  I take 75mg of Zantac each morning and each night and suck down as much Gaviscon as I am allowed and still everything burns my throat.  I am talking saltine crackers, bananas...everything!  I can sometimes stomach a Special K protein shake without a lot of kickback but I do not eat much on those days.  Cutting down to half the amount of steroids will hopefully cut down to half the amount of acid.  Fingers crossed.)
Friday & Saturday - Pretty much back to normal - It seems I get 2 good days out of the week before having to start the routine all over again.  Thank God this is not a forever thing.  It is only for about 10 more weeks. 

I forgot to mention about the hunger.  I eat like a beast on Sunday and Monday.  I am the most hungry then.  I have gained a total of 10 pounds in the past 3 months.  I am not thrilled about it by any means, but my doctor is glad I am not losing.  Plus she told me I was just far too skinnny to begin with.  I tend to disagree but once I am done the medicine I can get back into shape.

Good news is - NO STEROIDS next week.  I have to take a week off of the Taxotere for a few reasons.  I already have a little bit of nerve damage to the very tips of my fingers.  If I do not take a break from the meds, the damage could become permanent. I do not want that.  Also, my fingernails are more likely to FALL OFF without taking a break.  That is just GROSS.  I will gladly take a week off to save those babies.  I will most likely still have lines that show up in the nail beds and look like fungus, also gross, but that will eventually grow out a few months after finishing the meds.

So, the point of this entry...steroids suck, but not as much as cancer.  All the things I am doing are to kill those little asshole cells so that I can move on with my life.  As much as it sucks now, it makes for a funny blog entry.  Hope you had a few laughs from this one.  I sure did.  I choose to laugh.  It is more fun than crying!